Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize