Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
