Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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