I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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