you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
