WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
