I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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