Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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