I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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