he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
