Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
