I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
