I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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