i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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