She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
