I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
