im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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