I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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