his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
