Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
