Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
