Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
