Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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