I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
