he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
