I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Found your dick twin last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
