bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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