First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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