My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
