do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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