as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize