Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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