ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
