Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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