I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize