Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
