How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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