last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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