This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
