I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
