hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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