I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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