I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
