I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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