I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
