if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
