So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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