just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
