So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
