i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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