Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
