i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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