no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
