i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
