So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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