can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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