You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
