Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
