Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
