how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
