Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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