I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
