Can Purell be used as lube?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
