i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
