So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
