Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
