i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
