yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
