Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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