Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
