tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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