It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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