hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
